#123movies #fmovies #putlocker #gomovies #solarmovie #soap2day Watch Full Movie Online Free – This film is a prequel to all of the The House of the Dead video games. Set on an island off the coast, a techno rave party attracts a diverse group of college coeds and a Coast Guard officer. Soon, they discover that their X-laced escapades are to be interrupted by zombies and monsters that attack them on the ground, from the air, and in the sea, ruled by an evil entity in the House of the Dead…
Plot: Set on an island off the coast, a techno rave party attracts a diverse group of college coeds and a Coast Guard officer. Soon, they discover that their X-laced escapades are to be interrupted by zombies and monsters that attack them on the ground, from the air, and in the sea, ruled by an evil entity in the House of the Dead… Prequel to the House of the Dead video games.
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Gilligan’s Island meets Shaun Of The Dead
Laid up and drugged out, as a kidney stone wended its merry way through my scarred urinary tract, with absolutely nothing better to do than let the painkillers swoon me into semi-oblivion, I happened to catch this movie on cable. I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I paid to view it in a cinema, or rented it, or heaven forfend! that I watched it STRAIGHT.
Having played this sensationally gruesome video game and avidly trod the doomed rooms and dread passageways of The House, battling Chariot (Type 27), The Hanged Man (Type 041), and other impossible sentinels, my curiosity was piqued as to how the game would transfer to the movie screen.
The banal plot revolves around a group of “crazy kids” a la Scooby Doo attending a remote island for a world-shaking “rave” whatever that is. (You kids today with your hula-hoops and your mini-skirts and your Pat Boone ) After bribing a boat captain thousands in cash to ferry them there (a stupidity which begs its own network of rhetoric), they find the “rave” deserted.
Passing mention is made of a “house” presumably the titular House Of The Dead but most of the action takes place on fake outdoor sets and other locales divorced from any semblance of haunted residence.
A fallen video camera acts as flashback filler, showing the island in the throes of a party?! Is that it? Oh, so this “rave” thingy is just a “party”? In the grand tradition of re-euphemizing “used cars” as “pre-owned”, or “shell shock” as “post-traumatic stress disorder”, the word “party” is now too square for you drug-addled, silicone-implanted, metrosexual jagoffs?
It is learned that the party was broken up by rampaging zombies. Intelligent thought stops here
I don’t think the pinheads who call themselves screenwriters and directors understand the mythos behind zombie re-animation. Zombies can’t die they’re already UN-DEAD. They do not bleed, they know no pain. Unless their bodies are completely annihilated, they will continue being animated. At least, that’s what my Jamaican witch priestess tells me.
Which means that a .45 shot into their “hearts” is not going to stop them, nor will a machete to the torso. And a shotgun blast to the chest will certainly NOT bring forth gouts of blood. At least in the video game’s logic, the shooter pumps so many rounds into each monster that it is completely decimated, leaving a fetid mush that cannot re-animate itself.
Yet each actor-slash-model gets their Matrix-circular-camera moment, slaying zombies on all fronts with single bullets and karate chops to the sternum. Seriously, these zombies are more ineffective than the Stormtroopers from “Return Of The Jedi”, who get knocked out when Ewoks trip them.
I suppose the film’s writer, Mark Altman, having penned the not-too-shabby “Free Enterprise”, felt compelled to insert a Captain Kirk reference, in the character of Jurgen Prochnow, who must have needed milk money desperately to have succumbed to appearing in this aromatic dung-swill. There is also a reference to Prochnow’s primo role in the magnificent “Das Boot”, when one of the untrained B-actors mentions that he “looks like a U-Boat Captain”. “. I wonder how many of this movie’s target audience of square-eyed swine picked up on ANY of the snide references to other films, as when Prochnow declares, “Say hello to my little friend”, presaging his machine gun moment.
Aimed at a demographic who have not the wherewithal to comprehend the Sisyphean futility of the video-game concept (i.e. the game ends when you die you cannot win), this is merely a slasher film for the mindless and mindless at heart. Accordingly, everyone dies in due course, except for a heterosexual pair of Attractive White People.
A better use for this film’s scant yet misused budget might have been to send the cast through Acting School, although Ona Grauer’s left breast did a good job, as did her right breast and those slomo running scenes: priceless! I especially liked the final scene with Ona trying to act like she’s been stabbed, but looking like she’s just eaten ice cream too fast.
Attempting to do something more constructive with my time, I pulled out my Digitally-Restored, 35th Anniversary, Special Edition, Widescreen Anamorphic DVD of “Manos: The Hands Of Fate.” Ah, yes! the drugs were suitably brain-numbing – now HERE was some quality film-making
(Movie Maniacs, visit: www.poffysmoviemania.com)
Gives crap a bad name…
There are some movies you just know they are going to be bad from frame one. Even if you were totally oblivious of Ed Wood’s work, one look at that commentator from “Plan 9 from outer space” and you just KNOW you are not gonna see the next cinematic masterpiece. Just like that, when I saw the first shot of Uwe Bolls masterpiece “House of Dead”, with that guy sitting at the front of the house starting his introduction while trying desperately to sound like he just arrived from Sin City, I knew I’m in for a helluva ride.
So, the movie starts like this – first the lead character says that everybody else is going to die. You know, to keep you wandering. Then he starts introducing the rest of the characters with lines like “Karma..thinks she’s Foxy Brown” or “Alicia..my ex.. we broke up recently.. I had to study and she had to fence”. No, I’m not kidding.
Anyway, this bunch of 20-somethings who couldn’t act their way out of a wet paper-bag are going to the “Rave of the century”, rave in question being a few tents, a port-a-potty and a shoddy stage located on small island in the middle of the Pacific. Our gang missed the ferry, but thankfully will find a way to get there, the way being a fisher-boat ran by Kirk (Cpt Kirk? Get it? Man, whoever wrote this script is a genius) and his sidekick who is a bastard child of Simpsons’ Cpt McAllister and that hook killer who knows what you did last summer.
To make the long story short, the gang gets to the island, finds nobody there except some bloody T-shirts and then decide to run the hell away from there. No wait, they do not, they actually get all happy and like cos there’s free booze.
With that scene the movie hits rock bottom and then against all odds proceeds to go further downhill. Some guys in rubber suits start running around, there is some screaming and shooting, our gang goes to some house to meet some other gang, they go out of the house, meet Cpt Kirk and some police woman (who between them have about 500 pounds of weapons) and then decide to go back to the house. Somewhere along the line they transform into a S.W.A.T. team, enter the Matrix, the rubber-suit guys start multiplying like bacteria and I start to cry because I actually paid to see this. To add insult to the injury, every few minutes there are shots from the video game this crap is based on and there is a cute game-over cut-scene for a few characters when they die.
I seriously hate this movie. It doesn’t even fit in that famed “So bad it’s good” category. It’s just plain bad. The script is bad, the zombies are awful, there is no tension, lines are bad, actors are bad.. the list just goes on.
You will probably want to see this movie just because of its reputation of being awful. Don’t. There are bad movies that deserve to be watched. This is not one of them.
Original Language en
Runtime 1 hr 30 min (90 min)
Genre Action, Adventure, Horror
Director Uwe Boll
Writer Mark A. Altman (story), Dan Bates (story), Dave Parker (screenplay), Mark A. Altman (screenplay)
Actors Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso, Clint Howard, Ona Grauer
Country Germany, Canada, USA
Awards 2 wins.
Production Company Mindfire Entertainment
Sound Mix DTS, Dolby Digital
Aspect Ratio 1.85 : 1
Camera Moviecam Cameras (as Movie Cam Cameras and Lenses), Panavision Cameras and Lenses
Laboratory Alpha Cine Service, Vancouver, Canada (as Alpha Cine Motion Picture Lab), Taunus-Film, Wiesbaden, Germany (as Taunusfilm)
Film Length N/A
Negative Format 35 mm
Cinematographic Process Super 35
Printed Film Format 35 mm (anamorphic)